Torn in Pieces
It didn’t take long for a split to appear between who I truly was and what I was feeling. On the inside I was special, I harboured a knowing that was bright and warm. I was lucky and blessed, and I could bring those blessings and joy to others. I was brave and courageous and destined to do something special and that something would be revealed in time. This knowing kept me aloof and separated from others but connected to myself. I needed to remain tuned into myself, so I could hear the call when it came.
On the outside I felt quite the opposite. My need for attention and approval made me greedy, self–conscious, and self–centered. Between these two people lay an ever- widening chasm- an unknown space I could not bridge. I felt guilty, yet I loved myself. Things got worse as that love became eclipsed by my guilt, when I looked in the mirror I could not no longer see the love. Everything became very painful. Twisting and turning to find relief I began to live on the surface of life. This relationship of love and hate would become my destiny. A destiny that was far beyond my imagination.